Singles

"Janet, you rock my world."

The events of yesterday evening, or those that I was privy to might serve as footage for a motivational video (hosted by Peter Purves) called something along the lines of There's No I in Team. In that spirit, I've attempted to come up with a headline for each and every one of my fabulous fellow Tecumsehs.

BREAKFAST AT TIFFNEY'S
OUTFIELD DUO FEAST ON TOOTHLESS TIGER PITCHING

RETURN OF THE SNACK
SNACK DADDY BACK IN BLACK, COOL IN THE HOT CORNER

LADYKKKILLER
GRAY-SON IN THE KAY-ZONE, ENDS IT WITH HIGH HEAT

SECOND COMING
J.C. FLASHES LEATHER, SWINGS SWEETLY AT 2B

TOO GOOD TAMMES
BIG CAT AT THE BAT, TIGERS' OUTFIELD HAVE KITTENS

TELL LAURA I LOVE HER
RICKY VALANCE DIES IN STOCK CAR, MISSES SMASH

YOU'RE NICKED!
SS NASTY WITH STICK, GLOVE

NO HARM, NO FOUL
SUPER SETH SENDS 'EM IN

WIPE THAT!
PAT LAMINATES ONE

BAD MEDICINE
DR GOODHANDS IS POISON TO TIGER PITCHERS, RUNNERS

THE TAXMAN COMETH
BETROTHED BEAN COUNTER PLAYS 40% OF GAME, 110% EFFORT

UP IN SMOKE
RELIEF CATCHER LEAVES TIGERS WITH THE MUNCHIES

ADRIAN'S WALL
CAPTAIN'S GRAND PLAN BAFFLES RELEGATED NINE

KIT KAT GOLDEN TICKET
EURO QUEEN IS BIG SISTER

Now I'm spent. Tabloid spent. But if ever evidence were needed that base hits and defence win games then we provided it. It was a pleasure to play in a game where everyone excelled, in every department. And a guilty pleasure to watch from the sidelines for the last three innings (which seemed to take forever).

Robbie Williams once observed that "You gotta get high before you taste the lows..."

Tim Booth says "If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor..."

Ozzy: "Finished with my woman 'cos she couldn't help me with my mind..."

Only Ozzy has it right. If a gal doesn't have the answer to your mental health problem it might be time to ditch her for a psychiatrist. The other two have got it arse upwards. Surely the correct approach, in softball, as in life, is to slum it somewhat, at the bottom of the division, say, and then to emerge, de profundis, fully appreciative of your new-found success.

_________________W____L____D____F____A____Pts
Secret Agents - MI6----4--------0-------0-------98------24-------12
Sumatra Panthers--------4--------0-------0-------78-------55-------12
London Raiders C-------3--------1-------0-------70-------42-------10
London Tigers-----------2--------3-------0-------67-------72--------9
Tecumsehs---------------1--------4-------0------34-----100--------7
Saints Nu------------------1--------3-------0-------41-------42--------6
Kamikazes-----------------1--------4-------0-------45--------85--------6
The Mob------------------1--------2-------0-------40--------53--------5

We're far enough now from both Easter and Christmas for me to talk of miracles with impunity. We've conceded more runs and scored fewer than any other team in the division but are safely ensconced mid-table. And in a curious Pompey/Saints twist BB Guns, another historical rival, have a worse record than us and look favourites for relegation from Division II.

Carpe Diem!